She-izm

Many years (many Many MANY years… I wont say how many lol) have gone and so have many friends. Some friends have gone and stayed out of the loop and some have showed up to give it a go all over again. Some I lost because I found the love of my life… Some thought they were the love of my life, some exe’s are my friends, and some people dont even know the definition… but try their best at being one. Truth behind this blog is there is only special meaning behind the word FRIEND if you know in your heart that no matter what the situation… you will always be there til the end. No grudges, no back stabbing, no lies, no nothing… I have fallen short of what defines being a friend but what saves me is that I picked up my bag of bullshit and turned it around. Sub Tweets can kill a friendship. Emails cause push a friend away. Fighting can permanently scar a friend *looks in the mirror at my skin* but in the end… its up to you to heal and nurture what relationships you have with said people. Its extremely hard to cross a bridge that has been burnt. Who has time to rebuild something that took years in creating… well… How much do you really want it? *side look*

Anyone who knows me can very well tell you that I love a chicken box and will snatch off your arm for some western fries and a Jumbo half and half. But I am changing. Not only am I aging (gracefully might I add) but I am becoming full of wisdom according to my lessons learned in life. Not only am I meditating more, indulging in African Dance class (which is full of spiritual energy that is out of this world) but I am evaluating my surrounding… eliminating what is bad for me. Thank God for Netflix. Had it not been for Netflix I wouldn’t have taken this step into a healthier diet. Thanks to a documentary called “The Beautiful Truth” I am now about to take a journey to health that I have probably never in my life seen before or even remember. The documentary speaks of healing even Cancer with fresh organic fruits and veggies on top of a healthy life style that will beat man’s Modern Medicine any day.What was so interesting about this documentary was that it was a study being lead by a teenager…. WOW.

SO… I am about 6 days away from prob one of the greatest moments in my life since the birth of all of my children and Marrying my wife… and might I say it already feels great to know that I am going to feel great weeks after the first day of detox. TO LIFE!

Growing up in church I have learned about love, God, acceptance, being shunned, and love all over again. As a little girl I knew that going to church was what I was supposed to do. Now as an adult I feel the need to say I was dragged through church because of my title as a “preachers kid” more than the lesson that was being taught to other children who were brought to church by their parents who actually believed they were coming to save their souls… Not because it was their duty to the church family.

I am a Lesbian woman with 3 children by birth married to the best woman and person I could ever think to be married to my this life time… and Lord willing in my next. I am not ashamed for who I am and who I love. I am more ashamed of sharing the same air I breathe with people who are not respectful to a beating heart that knows no hate for any particular gender but prefers to love someone who loves me and is open to getting that same love in return. Her mother loves me, her grandmother loves me and I am not sure if her cousins, uncles, and other extended family love me but I know damn well they are accepting of me. I just wish the family I call my own would be as accepting of their own flesh and blood in the same manner.

That is all…. And that is all there should be. I am not asking for the world to stop rotating because I have chose this life. All I am asking is that I be treated like I am apart of it. Get right with God… And do it now. Get right with God… and he will show you how……

Peace.

When you long to have peace in your life there are always obstacles that kick you back three steps. I am learning patience. I am learning Love…. for self and those who may not have my best interest at heart. Over the years in my quest to find these two components of Nirvana, I have stumbled and fallen. Gotten back up, and have fallen again. Years of tears and frustration have been added to my yearbook of lessons that I have learned from just by looking back, noticing how far I have come. I can now say that although I have a few kinks to work out, I am able to find peace within myself in the middle of confusion. I see the benefits of yoga and meditation, smiling and touch, quiet time and alone time, and most of the falling… and getting back up again. Everything in moderation. You have to take the good with the bad. If you dont take the bad… you will never learn how to create the good. I am thankful for my lessons and will continue to forgive, love, be patient, and remain aware. I am not perfect at all… but I am learning how to come close to being the perfect image of my creator. Namaste.

Too many times I have crossed this road where I turn to God when I need him. But Instead of sitting still and listening I argue with God’s will instead of being an open vessel and excepting his call on my life. Authority and arguments dont mix. So why is it when we are told to do something we refuse obey?

I dont have the energy or the drive to argue with my life and the creator any more. My gifts, my calling, my path, the people in it, the decisions I make and the consequences that come from it, and so on… I am sick of fighting and arguing. God’s hands are bigger than my fight could ever be. The battle is not mine… so I lay down my sword…. NOW. My arms are too short to box with God. Amen, Ashe, and Namaste.

simbaspeak:

When observing in your chosen festivities tomorrow…remember your Karma of lighters.  Often cipher partners pass lighters around for months at a time and the original owner has to steal their lighter back.  Just remember when a lighter isn’t yours and don’t walk out and leave a cipher stranded!  LOL Enjoy your 4/20 responsibly!